Lily's Realization
by padfootastic
Summary: She thought they were just a bunch of immature, attention seeking idiots. However, her beliefs are shaken by the roots when she witnesses a conversation she's not meant to. Now she's conflicted, and confused. Lily shouldn't have stayed up late that night. No slash. Marauders Era.


**I-I'm _really_ not sure how this happened, other than I was in a bad mood and sick. I apologize in advance for the clusterfuck that this is, because this doesnt make any sense to me either. However, I am proud of the fact that I managed to put in more dialogue here, so yay for that. I am very strongly opiniated regarding certain things, and the Marauders are included in that. I _may_ make them out to be some sort of super powered beings sometimes, but that's just me. **

**I hope you enjoy, and please review, they mean the world to me, and give me much needed inspiration :") (not edited)**

Lily Evans was usually a stickler for the rules. One of which was never staying up past curfew. Some people might call her a prude, most even did, but her parents had quite firmly instilled the importance of a good night's sleep in her since she could remember. And as for her being rebellious and breaking the rules, well, there wasn't much you could do in a baby proofed room after lights out, especially one which you shared with a sister who was even more rule abiding than you were. And so the habit of falling asleep at 10 pm was something that she could never truly stop, despite countless attempts to do so.

The only times she ever stayed up was when she had something to do that really couldn't be left for the next day, like the Transfiguration essay she was to write for Professor McGonagall on the dangers of human transfiguration. She had neglected to finish the essay over the week, something which she usually did not do, and so she was forced to stay up late on a thursday to finish it up.

The sudden opening of the portrait caused her head to shoot up, frowning in confusion as she thought of who would be entering the Common Room past midnight. Luckily, she was sitting in the far right corner and was hidden from the line of sight of the three stumbling boys who just entered. Five seconds later a mix of comprehension and annoyance dawned into the future Head Girl's eyes. Of course it would be the 'Marauders', she thought disapprovingly, no thought for rules and their house. As she observed them walking not so coherently, it looked like they were drunk to top it off!

Her bright green eyes followed their movements and immediately widened in surprise when they didn't go up to the dorms like she assumed and dropped in one of the couches right in front of the fireplace. The light from the fire illuminated their faces and she had to stifle a gasp at the bruises and finger marks and _Merlin,_ _was that blood dripping from his cheek?_ She craned her neck to see them a bit better and had to stop a whimper from escaping her mouth when she saw the state in which James Potter was lying on the couch. A quick glance showed her he was apparently the worst in their little trio. She might not like the guy, but even she could bear seeing him so, so _broken._

Lily was about to stand up and demand what had happened, and why they hadn't gone to the Hospital Wing and where in the name of Merlin and Morgana was Remus and why didn't he do anything as a prefect when she heard a raspy voice speak, obviously trying to be as quiet as possible, "Wormtail. Go up to the dorms, wake Moony, tell him to come down _right now_ , and get our emergency kit. And for Merlin's sake, be quiet, we don't need the whole tower waking up and finding James in this state." It was Black, she thought, who had spoken. Obviously something serious must have happened for his usually deep voice to change to that pitch. Not a minute later his grey eyes moved across the length of the Common Room as if checking to see if it was empty , causing her to immediately snuggle back into the armchair to avoid being seen by his sharp eyes. She didn't know why but she had a sudden urge to stay there and find out what had happened because she knew that if Black caught her she'd never find out. She had always had a raging curiosity inside her and even though this rubbed all her morals and sensibilities the wrong way, she decided to stay.

Lily had to admit that a tiny part of it had to do with the enigma that was the Marauders. Sure, they were always cheerful and laughing and friendly and they never really turned anyone down, other than the random hexing she saw in the hallways which she frankly never found an answer to so just assumed it was because they felt amused by others' pain and humiliation, but everyone knew how secretive the four boys really were.

Sometimes Sirius Black would walk around the hallways with an angry bruise on his cheekbone, and while others would have hastened to hide it, he did nothing of the sort; proudly holding his head up high while his friends walked beside him.

Sometimes, James Potter would wrap an arm around his waist or Remus Lupin would slip his hand into the younger boy's hand and his shoulders would straighten just that much, his features relaxed a bit. They would walk the hallways like that, not ashamed in the slightest.

Sometimes, Remus Lupin walked around with a fresh set of scars on his handsome, but tired, face. It was clear that he was not as confident with the body disfigurement as his best mate was, and maybe with good reason too, for his were permanent. And yet, whenever Sirius Black kissed him on his cheek, or James Potter placed his head on his lap in the Common Room, his eyes would blaze with a sort of fire that was previously missing.

It was in the little things with these boys. They were uncaring of the rumors that spread like wildfire whenever one of them became too overly affectionate with the other, it did not matter to them what others thought of them for they had carved a place for each other in the little group they had and for them, that was more than enough. Lily Evans observed all of this, quietly, whenever she had an opportunity to because as much as she wanted to, she couldn't hate them.

As she was watching, the Black Heir limped towards the bespectacled boy lying motionless on the couch, and raising his wand, started casting a spell that was spoken far too silently for her to hear. It soon became clear to her what it for as the unconscious boy slightly lifted in the air, and began to lose his clothes until only his dark blue boxers remained. A fierce blush rose up Lily's cheeks as she looked at the Gryffindor Quidditch Captain and his impressive body, and it was understandable that she did not notice what was wrong until after a few minutes of ogling.

Horror filled her eyes as she saw what she had previously overlooked in her tasteless staring. His muscled chest and abdomen were covered in cuts and bruises, some of them blue, others a sick green. Most of the cuts were still bleeding, but slowly closing up as she saw a shaking hand working its way from his sternum to his lower belly. She looked up to see an alarmingly pale Sirius Black on his knees in front of the couch, muttering shakily under his breath as he moved his wand across his best friend's upper body. At first she was a little sceptical of how much he could actually heal of the obviously cursed wounds Potter's body was displaying, but the thought soon left her when she saw the bruises slightly fading and the cuts stop bleeding.

It was at that moment she heard frantic footsteps coming down the stairs and judging from the panic that seized his expressions, Black had too. Panic, that soon turned to relief when the tall form of Remus Lupin appeared at the bottom of the stairs. Lily noted, with another blush, that he was shirtless too, and seemed to have quite a defined body as well if you looked past the scars, and then promptly cursed herself for fixating on such asinine things when there was a much more serious situation on hand.

"Moony, what the fuck man? Couldn't you be a bit more quiet? We really don't need anyone waking up at this hour," Black wheezed.

Remus held up his hands in clear surrender, "Look, all Wormy told me was that Prongs was almost dying and Padfoot needed the emergency kit. _The emergency kit, Pads, that we haven't used since fourth year when I almost killed you all, in case you forgot._ So please tell me what I was supposed to think had happened at 1 fucking am." His voice ended in a harsh whisper.

By the time Lily had managed to decipher what he was saying putting aside the weird nicknames these boys always seemed to use around each other, she had gone an unnatural shade of white.

 _Why was there so much death in those two sentences?_ What did he mean by him almost killing all of them? And James wasn't so hurt that could die...right? It seemed to her that instead of getting answers, she would be stuck with more questions.

Another set of footsteps, this time haltingly as if trying to be lightweight but not quite being able to achieve it which led Lily to believe it was Pettigrew this time, came down the stairs and sure enough, she was right. He was carrying a strangely shaped wooden box in his hand, which she assumed was the emergency kit the boys had been talking about.

"I-I'm sorry, Moons. I'm just really worried about Prongs. He-He's not in a good shape." Black admitted painfully. Lily's heart clenched at those words. She cast a Silencing and Disillusionment Charm on herself as silently as she could so that she could watch what was happening from closer up, and even jump in to help if it was needed, which she sorely hoped wouldn't happen because something about the boys and their facial expressions at this point told her that revealing herself now would be a very _very_ bad idea.

She was able to get close enough to see that the situation was worse than she had thought and that James really was not in a good shape. The left side of his face was swollen, and covered in various colours. He had two black eyes. His chest, though now healed to a certain extent by Black, actually looked worse if that was possible. The coloured splotches and dried blood on his chest turned her stomach and not for the first time she wondered what had happened to injure him so badly.

She looked at Black and was surprised to see he looked far worse than she had assumed as well. It was his cheek which was dripping blood, thankfully healed now, though she could see a long white scar running across the right side of his face. His left eye was blacked out as well and his nose was crooked like it had been broken, which was further affirmed by the dried blood that she could see just above his upper lip. His half open shirt was soaked in blood, and she could see various cuts just below his neck. She could also see his face rapidly losing colour, which she assumed was due to the blood loss his shirt indicated at.

"Fuck, Pads. Ju-Just what did you guys manage to get up to?" Remus' hands were shaking as he opened the wooden box and brought out some strangely shaped objects. Sirius, though just shook his head and said, 'not now'. She saw Remus waving a long stick like object that was wider at the top over James' chest. The tip glowed dark grey, and from the looks on the boys' faces, it did _not_ mean good news. If anything, it sent them into even more of a frenzy, with Remus almost violently rifling through the box for something else. Sirius meanwhile took hold of James left hand that was dangling off the edge of the couch in a tight grip, resting his forehead against their joint hands. Lily was amazed that he hadn't keeled over from the blood loss yet, anyone else would've given up far earlier but not obviously not him.

Remus brought out another weirdly shaped contraption and waved it over James once again. It glowed again, but this time it was white and it almost seemed like the white light was breaking off from the tip of the object to float over to the cuts on James' chest. Very slowly, almost painfully so, Lily saw the cuts completely healing whereas before they had just been closed off. In about ten minutes, the cuts had been reduced to a web of white spidery scars, which was better than what it had looked like before.

She looked at the weird object again and gasped as realisation coursed through her. Of course she knew what the object was! Anyone who even remotely listened to Binns in History of Magic would know. It was a broken piece of Morgana's fabled staff that was broken in pieces by Merlin during their fight.* There was a picture of the staff, that was said to be a product of legends and nothing more, in their History book, and the piece held by Remus was the upper part of it. There was no mistaking it, for it had some very detailed runes that were specific to this specific piece (she was close enough to see them) which could not be replicated elsewhere. The staff was rumored to give unbelievable defensive and healing powers to the wielder. What were the odds that it was in the hands of four teenagers?

For what felt like the millionth time that night, Lily had the urge to get up and demand answers. However, she knew she must be patient and at least some of her questions would be answered.

After what felt like an eternity, Remus stopped waving the broken staff over his friend and sat back with a huge sigh, his face looking as if it had aged ten years in that single hour, but relieved nonetheless. Sirius had what looked like tear stains down his cheeks, but he was looking relieved as well. Remus, after quickly cleaning him up with his wand and Sirius' help, decided that he had done as much as he could for James and turned to Sirius. He noticed for the first time how bad the dog animagus looked and audibly cursed himself for atleast not stabilizing him first.

Sirius, seeing his obvious concern and being the stubborn idiot he was, waved him off with a nonchalant hand, "It's not as bad as it looks, Moony. Really. James had it worse, and with you healing him, we're finally out of the woods." Just as he finished his sentence, his eyes rolled into the back of his head and his head slumped forward. Only Remus' lightning quick reflexes stopping him from banging his messed up nose into James' recently healed chest.

Lily saw Remus actually _growl_ in frustration before he levitated Sirius onto another couch. He then proceeded to do the same thing to Sirius what Sirius had done to James; undress him until he was left in his black silk boxers. And _of course he had a perfectly defined chest as well._ By this point, Lily was starting to get slightly, unreasonably, annoyed because how in the name of Merlin did all these boys have such perfect bodies? It wasn't supposed to work like that! She could, however, see some old, previously healed scars criss-crossing on the Black Heir's chest and filed it away in the list of things that did not make sense about this night which she would have to think about properly later.

Remus, meanwhile, was waving his regular wand furiously, which hopefully meant that his injuries weren't as bad as James. This, for some reason, sent a wave of relief through her. Straining her ears, she could hear the oldest Marauder muttering furiously under his breath as he worked on Sirius, "Stupid dog…...reckless...fucking deer….don't know when to stop…..ought to rip them apart this full moon….that'll teach them….no self preservation at all…."

Lily's eyes opened wide as Severus' words from fourth year rang in her head.

" _He-He's hiding something, Lily, I'm telling you. It's not normal to be out of school as often as he is. It's not normal to be as sick as he is either."_

" _I overheard that worthless Pettigrew telling someone his mother is sickly, so he has to go home quite often, but it doesn't add up."_

" _It-It's..there's a pattern. He doesn't just disappear randomly. And I'm sure he was growling the other day."_

" _LILY! LILY! I told you I would find out what Lupin is hiding didn't I? Well, he's a_ _ **werewolf,**_ _the filthy half breed. How he was allowed into Hogwarts, I would never know."_

His words were said with no small amount of disgust, and if she closed her eyes she could still see the prominent sneer on Severus' face whenever he faced Remus. At first, she refused to believe it, thinking Professor Dumbledore would never put other students at risk like this, but then she began to notice things as well. It wasn't hard if you knew what to look for, really. How he always seemed to be worse in the week leading up to the full moon and was always in the Hospital Wing after it. How, sometimes on the rare occasion that someone successfully managed to anger him, his light brown eyes would turn honey golden, blazing and writhing as if they contained a wild beast inside wanting to be let out. And while the realization brought certain amounts of fear with it as well, she knew that she could never truly despise him for what he was because she _knew_ what a kind and genuine person Remus Lupin was. And that knowledge was what allowed her to maintain the sincere smile on her face when she discussed Arithmancy with him, what let her patrol the corridors with him at night, unguarded.

Shaking her head to focus on the present, as she had momentarily forgotten where she was, she looked to see Remus almost growling again, and talking to himself this time, so she could get some information, "Prongs was cursed with dark magic, but this idiot went and got himself hexed in seventy three different ways. I cast _one_ diagnostic charm over him and his whole body lights up like a goddamned Christmas tree. As if more scars weren't enough to add to the collection, he had to go and get his lungs speared on his ribs and create a whole pool of his own blood to almost drown himself in. Fucking arsehole is what he is, and if he goes anywhere for the next six months without telling me, I swear what I would do to him would make this seem like a damn party."

Lily was shocked, both at the prefect's violent language, for he _never_ cursed as far as she knew, preferring to express himself through other articulate means, and the extent of injuries sustained by the Black Heir. She wondered again how he was conscious enough to be able to lift James, heal him and then hold his hand throughout, without paying heed to his own rather impressive injuries. She watched in muted amazement as Remus healed the injuries without too many issues, occasionally resorting to muggle methods like using a wet cloth to bring the body temperature down and things like gauze and bandages.

She wondered how he knew a wet cloth was more effective than a Cooling charm.

She wondered how he was so proficient in healing injuries that he didn't even bat an eyelid at the nasty burn on Sirius' stomach, when she couldn't even look at the peeling skin without cringing.

She wondered how often these boys got themselves injured so badly they had to have Remus heal their wounds.

She wondered how Sirius had built up such a tolerance to internal injuries he was able to casually wave them away when she knew how much they hurt, thanks to a minor car accident two years prior.

She wondered what else they were hiding under their not-a-care-in-the-world attitude.

For the next half hour, she could little more than watch as Remus expertly healed the remaining injuries and deftly covered them up. He then ennervate'd Sirius, and sat back with a stern frown on his face. _It was time for some answers._

Sirius had up, one hand on his wrapped up stomach, the other supporting him up, "I guess you've waited long enough for some answers, huh?"

Remus' hand swatted Sirius' away from the gauze, snapping, "Stop poking at that. You know the drill by now. And yes, I have. Am I getting them now?"

Sirius pouted, "You know it's hard for me to be all wrapped up like this. _It itches."_ The glare Remus shot him had him sobering up, however.

After a minute, he spoke up again, "You know how me and James were going down to Hagrid's to help him out with Laila right?"

Remus looked at him incredulously, "He named that baby manticore _Laila?"_ He let out a half laugh-half choking noise at that. Lily could relate.

Sirius just waved his concern off, "Oh you know Hagrid. Any excuse to get his hands on classified creatures and he's on it like white on rice. Anyway, me and Prongs were there, we helped him with feeding her and everything- _don't give me that look Moony, it was perfectly safe-_ and we were coming up to the Tower. This was just about one hour after curfew. Now, we didn't take the Cloak because you know we've grown too big for it right? Atleast too big when it's both of us together. On our own, sure but together? Hell nah."

Remus made an impatient noise, telling him to get on with it.

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Moony, you impatient mutt, I'm getting there. So we were just about to enter the castle when someone stunned us from behind. When we came to, we were in a clearing in the Forbidden Forest. Not too far in, since the Oak trees hadn't started yet, guess they weren't confident enough to go too deep, the cowards, but far enough that our screams wouldn't reach anyone. Which was their intended purpose." The last line was muttered in a dark tone under his breath.

"Who's 'they' Pads? And it was a planned ambush?" Remus didn't even bother to sound shocked, much to Lily's surprise. He just sounded resigned, leading Lily to assume this wasn't the first time this had happened. She was even more surprised that he knew the Forbidden Forest so well that he could identify the place they were in by _trees_ around them.

Sirius snorted, "Of course this was an ambush. Apparently, Mulciber heard Prongs talking to Hagrid and heard the entire plan. He then ran to the other junior Death Eaters and they hatched up this fucked up plan. And 'they' include the Lestrange brothers, dear Bella, Malloy, Snivellus," Lily gave a start at that, forgetting that Severus could be just as mean as the worst of them, "Avery, the likes. What I gathered from their conversations was that Walburga, lovely mother that she is, told Bella to, well, teach me a lesson. Seems that my dear parents are still not over me running away. It's been over a year, but I guess it's too much to hope for some peace and quiet isn't it? It's like they've forgotten how they fucking crucio'd me in front of the whole family to force me to take the Dark Mark. How I survived in that family without going spare is still a goddamn miracle."

"I think you'll find, Padfoot, that you're sufficiently unstable as it is," Remus remarked drily.

Lily, on the other hand, didn't think her heart could take anymore shocks, Sirius was _crucio'd?_ And by his own family? She couldn't imagine her father ever lifting a hand to her, let alone something as horrible as the Cruciatus. She had heard that it felt like millions of knives slicing through your body, fraying your nerves. She'd read reports of people going permanently _insane_ due to prolonged exposure to the Curse. It was described as the equivalent of being hit by _severe lightning._ And taking the dark mark? Ho-How could anyone force their child to do something as awful as that? She had never realised how close the War truly was to them, cocooned in the safe haven that was Hogwarts. But this boy, who was even younger than her, had been exposed to it so brutally she couldn't even begin to comprehend it.

Lily was beginning to realise that she had severely underestimated these boys, judging them without getting to know them. As she shook herself from her thoughts, she realized Sirius was already continuing his tale.

"-and then they surrounded us, wands in hand, superior smirks on their dememnted faces. Bella stepped forward, spouted her whole nonsense about blood purity and Lord Moldypoop and how I was sullying the Black name by associating with blood traitors and half bloods, you know, the usual drivel. She then proceeded to further accentuate her point by cruciating the fuck out of me. Prongs was helpless, with no hand to do anything, and by that time, Snivellus was doing his thing as well. This time, he experimented with another new spell he created: Sectumsempra. This lovely little invention is like invisible blades slashing through your skin, except the blades are cursed and only one counter spell could stop their onslaught. I managed to break through Bella's crucio, but Mulciber and Avery stepped up to have their fun with me, since Prongs was... _busy_. They didn't do much, at least nothing I couldn't handle and nothing my family didn't already acquaint me with. It was Malfoy, however, whose curses hurt like a motherfucker. The bastard had apparently been rifling through the family grimoire, for he found a particularly nasty curse that fucked you up internally."

Lily was incredibly grateful that she had used the Silencing Charm for she didn't quite think she would have been able to hide her gasp if she hadn't. Remus' was growing visibly angry if the way his eyes were turning golden was any indication.

Sirius, however, was unfazed as he spoke, "That was painful, I'll admit. Didn't give the fucker the satisfaction of hearing me scream, though. Prongs, however, was writhing on the ground under a couple crucios. After a point, it seemed like they got fed up with the magical torture because the Lestupid brothers took it upon themselves to physically beat the shit out of us. That's where our black eyes and bruises come from, by the way. This time, I didn't take it lying down and gave them a couple of broken fingers and bruised ribs as well. Prongs took the older Lestupid and broke his nose, if the blood was any indication." Sirius' voice had turned incredibly smug at this point and anyone could see the proud smirk his lips had pulled up in. Lily couldn't blame him, he managed to injure someone after being tortured like that, that was something to be proud of.

"Yo-You broke Rabastan's fingers and br-bruised his ribs _after being fucking tortured?_ Prongs took on _Rodolphus fucking Lestrange_ after his first time being subjected to the Cruciatus? At least you're used to it!" Remus winced at the way he tactlessly framed those last words.

Sirius merely laughed instead of being offended, "Of course he did. This is James Potter we're talking about. If there's anything Evans' got right about him, it's that he's got a head big enough to match that of a goddamn troll's! Of course he wanted to get even with those fucktards. And come on, if there's a chance for us to show off our fighting skills, we sure as hell will take it, Moons. We haven't been practicing just for the heck of it, you know."

Remus shook his head, exasperated, "You two, I swear. You'll be the death of me one day."

Sirius shot him a cheeky smile, "You love us, really."

"Anyway, you fought them. How did you escape and where in the name of Merlin did Peter come from?"

"Well, we momentarily shocked them when we fought back, I don't think they expected us to fight back," Sirius mused, with a finger on his chin. Remus snorted. "Yeah. We took advantage and summoned our wands, cast a huge Blasting Charm and took the hell off from there. By the time the dust cleared, and they were able to see once again, we were near the side entrance. That's where we found Peter, the old rat, sneaking out of the kitchens. Good thing we did too, for we were in pretty bad shape by then. Our adrenaline was near finished and we were about to fall down in the middle of the hallway, which would've been _very very bad._ I was dragging James at this point. Snivellus, the slimy bastard that he is, didn't heal him completely before subjecting him to other means of torture, so he was still bleeding. He better thank his lucky stars that I knew the counter curse or he would've been hung and quartered in the Great Hall before the week was up."

The pure hate in Sirius's voice actually scared Lily. She had always assumed that the Marauders and Severus hexed each other as a sort of pissing contest, and admittedly, over her. She never thought it was anything beyond that.

Remus had his eyes closed and was taking deep breaths by then. Sirius shifted so he could place his hands on his shoulders, looked him in the eyes and softly, but firmly, whispered, "Moony. Remus. Look at me, I'm not letting them go unpunished. We both know Dumbledore will only spout his second chances nonsense, and maybe deduct some points. But we'll hit them where it hurts, won't we? So calm down. We'll chalk up a plan tomorrow, when all of us are sufficiently rested and James is awake and those slimy bastards won't know what hit them" Remus had opened his eyes by the end of the little speech and his eyes were slowly returning to their original light brown. He took another deep breath and nodded.

Sirius squeezed his shoulders once, twice and moved back to sit back against the couch again, "Well, after that, Peter supported Prongs on one side, and I was on the other and between us, we managed to get up to the Common Room fairly quickly, considering, and without anyone catching us out after curfew. We were rather lucky, I have to say, that no one was patrolling."

Remus spluttered, "Lu-lu-lucky? Sirius Orion Black, you were almost murdered tonight and you call yourself _lucky?_ I-I-wow." He let out a slightly shaky laugh, running his hand through his hair, the events of the night finally catching up to him.

Sirius just smirked, before getting up shakily, and lifting his wand to levitate James.

"What do you think you're doing?" Remus snapped.

"Taking him up to bed. Can't very well leave him here for the wolves, sorry, _lions_ to find him can we?" Sirius sniggered at his, frankly awful, joke.

Remus rolled his eyes before raising his own wand to support James, silently telling Sirius to back off.

Lily saw the two of them slowly climbing up the stairs to the Boys Dormitory and finally deemed it safe enough for her to cancel the Disillusionment and Silencing charms.

She sat down in the armchair closest to the fire, and let out a huge sigh. She was too tired, and she knew she wouldn't be able to think properly about what just happened without getting some sleep so after a minute or two of basking in the warm flow of the fire that chased away the chill that had somehow settled over her, she got up and made her way to her own dormitory.

Lily Evans realized that sometimes it was better off being a prude, and going to bed on time, than eavesdropping on conversation that would completely fuck up your views on life.


End file.
